I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
