Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
