Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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