hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
