honey bunches of taint.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
