the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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