On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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