Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
