He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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