just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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