tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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