using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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