Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
