hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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