11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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