The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He did a backflip because drugs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
