Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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