whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
