OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
