You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
