There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
