I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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