Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
