i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
