He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
