I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
