It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
