Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
