omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
