Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
