just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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