i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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