so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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