My first STD was from a foam party
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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