Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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