i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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