Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
