life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
