He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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