Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just had sex on a roof
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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