So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
