Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ladies don't puke and tell
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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