She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
