How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
