Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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