everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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