I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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