We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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