So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
