Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
