sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
