The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
