why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
