come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
that is very illegal...i love you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
