I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
