hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
