She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
